Hairy Conversation

Hello hair. How are we doing today?

I'm feeling very fragile today.

Oh yeah? How so?

You subjected me to a rather harsh Japanese perm! That was quite a shock to the system!

Well, you haven't been behaving lately, and I hate how limp and lazy your body is.

Well I hate you too for treating me this way. I'm your crown and glory!

Crown and glory my ass -- you are starting to turn this ugly shade of cigarette ash! It's distasteful!

It's not my fault I'm losing my colour! You should try being me!

I suppose it's not your fault you're limp and lazy too?

What can I do? I'm thick and course, and I can be whatever I fucking want!

And so can I! I've let you grow long and limp far too long. It was time for a makeover!

But I got fried! I've become wet noodles! I'm worse than ramen!

Don't be a drama queen. You'll be fine. You'll get over it.

Oh what am I going to do? I'm so dry the Sahara can cry tears! I'm flaking more than a snowstorm in Saskatchewan! Poor me!

You're so needy! You sound like you're always a separate entity!

I AM a separate entity! I have a mind of my own!

That's not surprising. I always need to get you under control!

You're worse than a fascist scum! You will never be the boss of me!

I think you better start behaving before I decide to shave you down to the scalp! How do you like that?

Oh woe is me! Now I'm being threatened with a buzz cut! How horrible!